Is sneezing a problem?

Apr 5, 2020 | Entertainment

Has your Guinea Pig been sneezing more than usual?  3 dead-giveaways your family pet has COVID-19.

            When this type of Coronavirus initially began circulating, everybody immediately started speculating as to whether or not domestic pets such as dogs and cats could be infected.  Days ago, a cat in Belgium tested positive for COVID-19, quashing the notion of pet immunity.  Here are 3 signs your family pet might have the rona.

1)  The golden retriever keeps eating your health insurance card out of jealousy

          Don’t let your pet communicate with any friends up north; Canadian pets automatically get health insurance and retrievers are highly sensitive creatures.  Keep all private health documents safely away in cabinets, while making sure the paper is not meat-based and the words are constructed with letters and not bacon.

2)  Your wife’s tabby cat starts pooping strange hieroglyphic symbols

          While zoologists and the fecal community don’t agree on a lot, they do-do agree on that fact that magnificent events can be foreshadowed by interpreting the fecal layout of the mighty Sphinx.  Litter-Box readings have accurately predicted various events including The Korean War, the death of Amy Winehouse, and the disappearance of the 5 for $5.95 menu from Arby’s.  Don’t hesitate to peer into your kitten’s letterbox in an attempt to *see into the stars.  The daring will sniff, but the truest seers will sneak in a mighty lick.

*Insert you will lick the cat poop GIF from Anchorman

3)   The mini-pony refuses to take off his M95 mask, even at the dinner table

          We all know mules are stubborn, but have you ever tried to explain to a mini-pony that the availability of medical equipment is limited and he is not, in fact, an at-risk category?  What a Mini-pony lacks in size, it makes up for by being a huge dick.   If your mini-pony is acting up, be weary that they are not particularly receptive to medical advice.  Instead of confronting him, slip a few IKEA meatballs into his oats and let him know he will be joining Seabiscuit’s locker if he doesn’t put some respect on your name. *Insert Birdman gif

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